Yes, you read that right. As I am sitting here typing away at my computer I am thinking about this journey I am about to embark on, and all I can think is, “Shit. What am I getting myself into?”
Let me go back. Even as a growing child, I have always “kept my baby fat.” I have never in my life been what anyone could consider “thin.” Not that this is all about being “conventionally thin,” I mean, it’s about health for me mostly. However, since I am a woman, and have a vagina in the year 2014, I do give a shit about being “thin” as well. I never got into sports. In middle school I once attempted to join the track team. I ran for about five minutes and realized that my boobs would (already) either a) knock me out, b) give me a black eye, and/or c) fall off in front of a crowd of people in rebellion to my awkward bouncing about in a circle, at my school. I didn’t even stay for the rest of the try out. My poor single Dad had no idea how to help me, and kind of laughed that idea off with me. Bless his heart.
Speaking of my Dad, around that same time he let me venture into cooking. What do you think a 12 year old chubby girl wanted to learn to cook?? Macaroni and cheese, and sausage patties. I swear on my doomed-to-be cholesterol filled grave- I cooked that maybe once a week until he stopped letting me. Then I learned how to make a rocking lasagna and no one stopped me from cooking that whenever we had the ingredients.
So anyways, here I am. I am turning thirty on Friday. Two years ago I promised myself I would be in the best shape of my life by thirty.
::gets up to weigh myself::
::takes off husband’s sweater because that’s going to make a massive difference, let’s be honest here::
Now to give myself some lee-way I do normally weigh myself in the morning after my I relieve myself of excrement, because again, obvious massive difference there. But for the sake of getting this along, I’ll just call a horse a horse and say, I’m a horse. Not a prancing, elegant, unicorn looking pony, I’m a clydesdale that is still on the chubby side.
So here I am, dedicating myself to you, dear reader. Every day for at least the next 365 days, I will jump on here and tell you all about my descent into health. I will let this keep me accountable. I will tell you exactly how I feel about every grueling moment and I may even give you pictures, because really, what’s the fun with out the selfies?
Today I will do thirty minutes of exercise. I will either write about that later on today or tomorrow, not sure which yet. I will try to eat healthier, and tell you about that.
Please head the following *disclaimer*- I will NOT be POLITICALLY CORRECT. I will be honest about how I feel about ME. I will not apologize for that. I don’t want pity. I don’t want sympathy. I want to laugh about my condition, and laugh on the way to wherever this leads me. If you can’t handle that- don’t read my works.
On that note- signing off. If I don’t write again, I will now be dreaming about macaroni and cheese, and sausage patties tonight. Like cheesy baked bacon. Mmmmmmm…