You know that day when you stand at a precipice in your life, and you have to decide if you’re going to stay, or if you’re going to jump? That’s where I am right now. In that slow grueling grey area, waiting to see if I’ll succeed or if I’ll add this blog to the pile of EP.
We’ve all done diets; fad diets (Atkins and South Beach, let’s face it), made-up diets (grapefruit, green tea, I just won’t have McDonald’s anymore), and a slew of other old wives tales, documentary ideas (juicing), and whatever else came our way. Sometimes we would stick to it, lose some weight, but the weight always comes back. For me, I can say honestly, it’s because I don’t stick to it.
There are two main reasons I don’t stick to these diets. One is because they are usually really hard. Then when you slip, it’s such an extreme diet, that the weight comes right back with a vengeance and you just say “Fuck. That.” The other is because of my support systems. I never really set myself up with a great support system. My parents are slightly over weight, and they did the Atkins, which I called out right away. My partner in life is like me in this aspect. We both love to eat. He can eat 1/3 plus more than what I can eat (and trust me, that’s impressive). We both love to enjoy our time together because as a milso (military spouse), sometimes that time can be far and few between. So we cheat together on our diets. Our vacations usually include a 10-20 lb increase. That is no exaggeration.
So back to my waxing “to be or not to be.” There comes a time when in this fight you have to ask yourself, is it going to be today? And then tomorrow you have to ask it again, and again until you no longer have to ask, and you just do.
I know this. I know all of this.
I contacted a personal trainer, and I’m really optimistic. She’s decided to take me on in all of my glory, knowing full well I am documenting this journey. We had a good talk about “having to mean it,” and good days and bad days and everything in between. She was once at my current weight so that make me feel a lot better. I don’t if she was a “chubby 4 lyfer” or not, as I have been, but she can relate to a lot of my issues. She promised me I am going to hate her and cuss her out within a week, so I’m looking forward to that. I am hoping this will be different because it’s a different support structure. My loving husband is on board and willing to do this with me as well. He is willing to be dedicated and that means a lot to me. I know he loves me and my currently sizable arse, but he knows as well as I do that we are not healthy.
We won’t talk about today. Today I knew full well I’m going to be working out with a trainer in the morning. Don’t judge me. More water than coffee. Vitamins.