My Slow Descent Into Health

Day 19 (The day food attacked my dreams)

This morning I woke up feeling like I cheated and it was fun, and then really guilty with a moment of dread. You see, in my dream of dreams last night, I dreamt I ordered and ate two McDonald’s sandwiches, fries and a hash brown. It was amazing, salty goodness, followed by “Fuck. Damn, shit, fuck, I have to start all over again. What if I have that gnawing stomach ache again?? Shit. Oh well. Here’s to starting the diet from day one.” (Sips soda.)

I went in and started talking about it with one of the ladies, and she said last time she dreamt she ate a bag of M&M’s.* After the work out I checked my email, and the diet group email thing started off talking about food dreams!! Guys!! This is a real thing. This happens to people. We have wet dreams with food. I don’t know if this is a new level of fatty status but I feel like at the end of my 30 days I should get a damn coin or something. Food is toying with me in my dreams.

Today’s work out was an 8 rep back squat thing where we had to keep going up in weight. A back squat** is essentially a deep squat with a bar bell on your upper shoulders/ upper back, area*** and we kept upping the weight. I did three reps, with the last weight being 85 lbs. I feel this in my whole back now which is impressive. Then we did 10 reps of three work out, as many times as we could in fifteen minutes. It was wall balls (squat and throw a medicine ball up on a wall), burpees, and those m*ther effin box jumps. I stepped again. I’m scared of them. I know I did it that last time, but I’m still over 200 lbs. I can not fathom busting my ass and breaking my hip, scares me to death. I know I can do it, but it’s a mental block. I’ll get there.

Eggs for breakfast (I’m eating a lot of eggs), salmon over salad with red peppers, vinegar and oil, pepper, and… an egg. Dinner is yet to be determined, but I am defrosting beef sausage. I’ll be looking at recipes after this.

Signing out.

*Yes please.

**I have no idea of I’m using the right terms, again, I’m still new. Giving myself an A for effort.

*** If this doesn’t make sense, I’m sorry. Google is our friend.

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