My Slow Descent Into Health

Day 33

Today is another day off from my gym because here in the land of sand, Americans are observing MLKjr day on Sunday.*

So today I’m staying home, cooking and playing with my two year old son.** Enjoying the moments and reflecting a little.

Here’s some of my thoughts:

Calories count, but counting calories isn’t everything. I haven’t forgotten my “vow” to learn the math. I’m still aware of it, but I don’t try to count it right now. I’m more worried about what it means to be full in a healthy way. I’ll chock that vow up to learning, and that sometimes the things we think matter most are the things we set ourselves up to fail with. Even doing specific programs that were solely calorie counting, I would still feel hungry and fail at it in a short amount of time.

As far as you think you can push yourself working out, it is possible to do more. That is one of the biggest things I am learning from my trainer. Really pushing yourself is really hard to do. If you’re like me, you think you can only do a little past what you have already physically done. Ass Kicker has taught me that my body is capable of a lot more than I gave it credit for. If we get our minds get out of the way, we can do incredible things.

Every one has different struggles and that’s okay. My biggest life long fight has been my addiction to sugary, salty, out right junk food. Pretzels, burgers, pizza, chips, breads, are ultimately my arch nemesis in life. Some people are thin but battle depression. Some people have battled cancer, diabetes, thyroid issues, infertility, and the list goes on. Just because you think that people can’t relate to your particular battle, it doesn’t mean they aren’t raging on against their own. Don’t ever judge someone because they are fat or thin. You have no idea what’s going on inside of them and what battle they are being strong against. Everyone does things differently. As long as you’re honestly making the effort and trying and fighting your battle, I will never judge you.

I might be feeling a ton better about my food decisions in general, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t an every day battle. Yesterday I fought my favorite beer, my daughter’s birthday cake, my husband’s gourmet seafood pizza, soy sauce to go with my sashimi and more. Today I am fighting the impending sad day that comes with being a milso, and my normal habit of pigging out on these days with whatever comfort food I can find or buy. Today I have to fight and make the decision to take the kids on a bike ride, and just do something constructive instead of deconstructive.

Putting myself out here has given me the opportunity to be completely honest with myself, and opening the conversation about our struggles and how we overcome. It’s a conversation we should all be brave enough to take on. If we stay in our comfort zone and don’t change at all, then nothing will change.

I can feel myself becoming a better parent. It’s not that they drive me any less up a wall when they forget their homework, and shrug and say “I don’t know,” or when my daughter is losing her mind because the cinnamon was on the bottom of her oatmeal instead of the top.

It’s that I have more energy to put towards them in general. I have more energy to put into the patience necessary to calm her down and then explain that oatmeal can in fact be stirred up. To make sure I stay on top of my son’s homework every day instead of feeling groggy when he gets home which makes me forget to do the actual checking myself.

Parenting is exhausting. So imagine trying to play the card game with out a full deck of cards. It makes any type of success a bit harder to attain. Not impossible, but it takes a lot more effort.

Changing my diet and exercise is not changing the game, but it sure as hell is improving the hand I’m playing with.

And that’s what I’ve got for your early morning philosophy today. My general thoughts over coffee. I’m optimistic about this year now more than ever, but I’m also aware, I have one heck of a fight ahead. And that’s all okay.

Signing off.

* Not complaining. Sunday’s are “Monday’s” here. It’s the start of the day of the week here.

** Baby kisses are probably the best thing ever. And then he has a diaper blow out and I’m reminded why he is my precious, wonderful, but last child.

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