My Slow Descent Into Health

Day 52

I keep on having bad day after bad day. I mean, not crazy bad. I’m still not snacking,* I’m not eating ice cream, and I’m not over doing portions. I’m having a few drinks and eating small amounts of bread. My husband is home right now so it’s just easy to say, “let’s live for the moment for a few moments.” It’s hard to be as strict as I know I need to be to drop the weight.

We did go on a bike ride with the kids today, so that’s a positive. Plus with all the bed room activity, that just, that has to count for something. We were supposed to go on a date tonight, but our sitter plans fell through. So we’ll be here, probably order something, watch movies and play video games.

Doing the Whole 30 now feels like the easy part. Training myself and my habits are definitely a lot harder. It’s hard to figure out where to draw the line when I don’t have the strict restrictions of the challenge guiding the decisions.

I wish this wasn’t such a struggle for me. I would be lying if I said I didn’t envy those that can eat whatever and stay stick thin. I have to remember that even people like that have their own struggles. No one gets through life just easy. It all takes effort and determination and we all have consequences for good and bad.

To change it up- things I look forward to: wearing jeans and tanks and not feeling self conscious about it. My husband says I look great and I fucking love him for it, but I don’t feel like I would like to.

Things I miss- not feeling bad if I eat a bran muffin. Before that would have been a super positive. Now it feels like a borderline fail. The mental and emotional side of trying to lose weight sucks.

Signing off.

* not even tempted to, most of the things I used to snack on seem gross now. How weird/cool is that??

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This entry was posted on February 6, 2015 by in Losing weight, Working out and tagged , , , , , , .
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