Dear people at the breakfast restaurant this morning,
I am fully aware that you were out to enjoy your breakfast. I know that a few of you were on dates, or enjoying your significant other you hadn’t seen for a while. I know others had family visiting, or you were a bunch of co workers out enjoying things that are, you know, not work.
I know the last thing you expected was this woman to show up with her three kids, one being a two year old that would not stop crying.
You see, I was expecting a nice, easy breakfast as well, and well, you know how that went for me.
My baby* seemed to think that all you people with your food and drinks were assholes. You see, according to my two year old, you all could have shared and you were just being greedy. Every waiter that went by with a plate just furthered his mental anguish of “why isn’t that food in my mouth?”
Now, obviously I know better than this. He thinks I’m an asshole too when I don’t give him food, so you see my plight. I’ve been trying to tell him about how “patience is a virtue,” and other such niceties, but then he looks at me and says things like, “Eat,” and “Drink,” and sometimes even, “Poop.” I try to tell him to wait, but then he looks at me like I am SATAN and starts throwing a fit.
To be fair this is a new development of his. Like two weeks ago he was blissfully unaware of all of you fine people and your “non-sharing” ways. I probably should have left. The place was busy, and the food took for-ever. I’m pretty sure he cried and screamed for a straight fifteen minutes. I’m 100% sure that one couple looked at us and decided right then that they were never having children.**
And I’m on a minuscule level sorry that I didn’t, but you see, I really wanted some damn bacon with my all egg and vegetable breakfast. I did not feel like cooking and I was fresh out of bacon. And if you think for one second that this is the worst thing that can happen in a mother’s day…
OH MY GAWD ARE YOU SO WRONG. TO BE SO BLISSFULLY IGNORANT.
So again. I apologize. I genuinely thought I was going to take my children out for a nice, quiet breakfast.
I was quite the optimist too.
-The Mother at Table Two
*Bless his heart.
** You’re welcome.
Me and my, little angel: