My Slow Descent Into Health

Day 68

I didn’t go to work out today as I normally would because I thought my daughter had pink eye. As it turns it out, it’s just allergies, but still, better safe than sorry. My trainer for the next two weeks is on vacation, so I have someone who is standing in, and we shall call her “Mississippi.” Mississippi is fantastic. She is in my normal work out group and she does a phenomenal job. She’s thinner so you would be initially surprised how much pack comes in that punch. She’s tough and pushes herself every day. She can lift so much, it’s really incredible. Also, she has the best work out socks ever, and she also* will not be easy on you, and says pretty much whatever comes to her mind. I love that. It’s usually really great entertainment.

I messaged her yesterday about not coming in today, and today she sent me a work out that includes squats, burpees, hand stand push ups, and more. After my youngest goes down for his nap, I’m so ON THAT. It really sounds like fun. I love the prospect of the hand stand push ups. I have no idea if I can, but I’m going to do my damnedest, and I bet you I’ll do pretty well.

As I was getting dressed today, I was noticing** how much I’ve lost and how much thinner different areas are getting. For the most part this is fantastic, but I do think I need to start putting on a waist trainer or some spanx more often at this point.*** At one point of my many, many weight loss attempts, I thought that wearing a corset would be my “easy” solution.**** So my supportive and loving husband bought me a really good one so I could try it out. I wore it for about a week, and then quit because the results were not instant, and trying to clean with one on was essentially impossible. Bending over in a corset is something you can do only if you’re a ballerina. And I am not.

Also, my hips which I lovingly would call “love-handle-ish” would become “shelf-ass*****” if it was on too tight. My chest would instantly become “1800’s brothel chest.” There is nothing flattering or classy about those ideas. Of course, I still have this contraption. I think it’s fun and can be sexy, but definitely deemed it “impractical for every day use.” But today, ladies and gentlemen, I figured I would try this on for fun. I have this shirt that I like, but I am still shaped a little interesting for it.

My corset fits better than it ever has before.

No shelf-ass. No ,”are those your breasts or do you have a lot of chins?” Like, it just feels good. I’ve always liked the idea of them to improve posture, but I gave up on them after realizing it was a look I did not want to try to pull off. Now I feel like I can wear the corset, or a waist trainer, or spanx and feel good in it. This corset never went down enough to cover my full stomach, and now it does.

I’m still not going to try to clean in this thing. That may have been an impractical expectation. It just feels good that I can put it on before a night out, or when I wear the shirt that I’m wearing today to kind of, keep everything together in one general area. I still have a ways to go, but these small victories, like feeling sexy in my own clothes, almost every day, are amounting to a huge success. You may not realize it but when a person is over weight, if they’re like me, they might agonize in mirror for 30-60 minutes before leaving the house every day. If you don’t, that’s great for you, but I definitely did. I see blogs about how people were happier over weight than “obsessing” about “being thin.” I’m not nearly as concerned about the number on my scale as I am about the way I look in my clothes. I really enjoy feeling confident when I go out that the image that I have of myself in my head, looks like the person in the mirror as well. I’ve always been like that. I’m confident about myself, and the only time I would down myself was when I was faced with the reality of who I was becoming.  Losing weight to me, is freeing. Do I get to eat everything in the world whenever I want to? No. But here’s the thing, that is not a priority to me. On the inside, I would rather be happy with myself then eat a crappy burger any day. And I am so grateful to be freeing myself of that addiction.

Signing out.

*like Ass Kicker

** and really enjoying, let’s be honest here

*** The glamorous life of women who have had children. Men, eat your heart out.

**** Go ahead, laugh. I do. I mean, really. Because corsets just look like “easy fun.”

*****Not hating on women who do. There’s nothing wrong with it if you feel happy and healthy, I won’t knock you for it. I just didn’t feel right artificially creating this look. It was not exactly my desired out come.

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