Bare with me. Slow and steady.
In the past few weeks after coming back to Bahrain I have done a sort of cleansing. Others may call it “spring cleaning,” and I don’t know if others consider it therapeutic, but this has been. I went from room to room in this mansion-esque villa of mine and just made it more like home. I took everything down or out and put it all away in a way that makes more sense.
Mistake # 1 I made during his first sea tour.
I did not make my house my home.
I have literally treated this place like we are squatting here. I didn’t put up my family photos. I didn’t clean it myself, I hired someone. I barely set up anything. I just kind of, lived here. I didn’t feel at home here and that probably contributed to my eventual sadness. Even though Bahrain itself is awesome, I didn’t actually try to make it home.
Once we got back I got to work. I put up all the pictures. I let go of my house keeper* and started a complete over haul of my home. My husband was back out to sea when I started and I’m glad. My method of reorganization would have driven him nuts. I take everything out, and get rid of whatever I haven’t used in the last six months. Then I separate out my keep pile and made a place for everything. Many organizing containers and garbage bags later, my house is now my home.
Mistake #2 I made as soon as we got to the new post.
I became a “Yes” man.
The things I missed the most, almost instantly, was my friends back home. The ones who know I’m crazy, a little raunchy, and say anything that comes to mind, but love me anyways. They know my heart and they see the good in me. They see my potentional and I love them for it beyond words. Some spouses have come here and had a good group of friends set out for them with their ship’s other wives or found a community in another way. I tried to do everything, never really committed all the way to any of it, made some life long friends who left quickly** and made some other friends who ended up being bat shit crazy in ways I can’t hang with. I went for quantity over quality hoping to find quality along the way and crashed and burned pretty early on.
I really believe that joining Crossfit and getting some quality people around me may have saved me a lot of ways. They have cheered me on and have been there for me while on the inside I went off my rocker trying to be everything for everyone besides me. I haven’t been back since my vacation, and pretty soon Ass Kicker will be gone for the summer, but they have been in contact with me and spent time with me, and I am grateful for all of their friendships. I’m not sure what I’m going to do for working out over the summer but I have a few ideas and I’m looking forward to it.
Now I’m learning how to take my time. I’m finding my balance of being extroverted and introverted. I’m making myself take more time to myself and doing things I enjoy. And when I move to the next place, I’ll join a community and slowly make friends. Not every one has to be my bestie, and I’m certainly not a bestie to everyone.
Now some of these things you probably have already learned, or if you’ve been in this life for a while you might be remembering what this is like. It’s definitely my own unique journey. Don’t judge me too hard. I’m just trying to figure out this world and be healthy while I’m at it. Life isn’t easy, but if you’re learning and laughing along the way, then it’s all for a good reason, isn’t it?
* I am really lucky to have had the coolest house keeper ever. We have hung out a few times and she understood completely. I still call her and I’m pretty sure she is coming over today to see me. She completely got why I was doing what I was doing. She saw me go through the bad (and cleaned up after it, I’m sorry about that) and I’m grateful she was there for me.
** Not even a little mad about that part really. It’s the name of the game. You can’t control the time table’s of the awesome people you meet, you can only make the best of the time you have and wait until you see them again. Also, I’ve learned that I suck at good-byes.